Sex Talks…Keep Communication Lines Open
A 30 second conversation we have with our kids about purity or the sanctity of sex will have an impact. It will. Little conversations and touch points turn into volumes of great information and a solid foundation. Kelli reminds us of the value of keeping communication lines open…even about sex.
As for other matters, brothers and sisters, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. I Thessalonians 4:1, 3-5, 7 (start here … but pick up your bible and read the verses in between too!)
“The Talk” is one that parents and children can be equally hesitant to start and equally relieved to finish. It is often scripted, planned and a “one and done” conversation. There should be no difference in the way we treat the subject of sex and purity than other topics we desire our kids to manage well. Time management, being a good friend, keeping your room clean are all disciplines that find their way into our weekly conversations. Why would the subject of sex not be the same? It is as (if not more) important.
- Go in with confidence. Our kids smell fear. If they see that we are anxious, dreading and avoiding the subject they will too. And we want our kids to come to us for true answers. So be open, be available, take deep breaths. We can do this!
- Make it conversational. When watching TV, listening to a song or even seeing a billboard and an inappropriate scene or innuendo crosses your path, don’t flip the switch and change the subject. Instead ask, “do you think that is how God wants us to view the opposite sex?” “What do you think Jesus thinks about that?” “How do you avoid situations like that?”.
- Recruit help. Find a friend, mentor, or a friend’s parent you trust and your child connects with then let them know … this person is great to talk to about anything, including questions about sex. Sometimes mom and dad are the last person kids want to talk to about hard things. I get that. Make sure there is someone ready for when the questions come.
Sure, our kid’s eyes might roll… but their hearts will be steady and engaged when they know they can talk with their parents about anything. There is a confidence when they know “living holy” is something we are invested in cheering them through … in every area.
(this varies greatly as to age …but start the conversation … it’s worth it!)
If I put a little bit of dirt in your water bottle would you want to drink it? Why not? Why do you think that it’s important to be pure? How can we do that in all areas of our life?